Lewy Body Dementia

Lewy Body Dementia may be one of the most difficult types of dementia to deal with, for the patient and the family.  The person affected with this disease typically goes through extreme changes in mood and personality.  As it progresses, the family simply is not able to recognize the person that they used to know.  These changes tend to come on abruptly, leaving the patient paranoid and unable to trust others while leaving the family very confused about what is happening.

If someone close to you has been diagnosed with this disorder, it is imperative that you research what to expect as the disease progresses.  While every path of dementia is somewhat unique, there are basic stages that, let's say, Alzheimer's patients tend to follow.  With Lewy Body Dementia, the progression has more extreme changes and can arrive very suddenly.  Patients with Lewy Body Dementia will typically have hallucinations and delusions that are, in every way, very real to them.  Trying to explain to them that these things did not occur will only make them upset.  You may not be able to see or understand what they are experiencing, but, in my experience, it is as real to them as anything else that goes on around them.  By not listening and talking through what they are experiencing, you will only cause unnecessary agitation. As a result of trying to dismiss them, they will lose trust in you.  Patients that I have helped through this progression of Lewy Body Dementia are desperately trying to finding someone to believe them.   Someone to discuss what is going on in their mind.  Many times, in the earlier stages, as you talk through what they are experiencing, they can recognize on their own that it did not really happen.

Many times patients with Lewy Body Dementia will require assisted living or a long-term care facility to provide their care and safely manage their behaviors.  These patients have a tendency to become aggressive even if for their whole life they have never even raised a finger of anger toward any living thing.   They can have psychotic episodes that can arrive without notice or cause.  They can have episodes when they are not able to recall any of the recent events that brought them to where they are.  Their communication becomes very broken and hard to follow, which causes them frustration with their caregiver because they do not recognize that they are not speaking clearly - to them it is coming out clear as day.

I do not tell you this to incite fear for caregivers or patients dealing with this disorder.   I tell you this so that you can fully understand the extent of the changes that you should be prepared for.  Early preparation for their needs is vital as you prepare for this challenge.  Your best chances at keeping some of the behaviors from becoming aggressive is by understanding that what they see and feel is real to them.  Listen to them, talk to them, reassure them that you will do whatever you can to help them.

 
Today I had a 20-minute conversation with a client, diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia, about the 20 men he saw on the roof this past weekend stealing internet signals from our company with a 9mm gun.  Sounds ridiculous right?  Of course it does, he even said as much when he started the conversation by saying, "I know you are going to think I am nuts but...".  He needed someone to talk to about what he saw and express his concerns to make sure that someone would follow up on it to keep things safe.  I was that person for him.  I reassured him that I would report it to our IT department and they would follow up.  He was happy and satisfied by that and was able to go about the rest of his day because he trusts that I will help him.  He felt heard and validated, which is what he needs more than anything.  Every time he comes to me with his concerns, I always listen and provide him a safe place to say whatever he needs to without feeling judged or looked at like he is crazy.  There are some conversations when I can say to him "Do you think that really happened or might it be from your condition?" At times he can recognize that he really has only pieces to a story and that it did not really happen.  Those occurrences are becoming less frequent.

I do not try very hard at all to help him see reality from his delusions because it serves no purpose for his quality of life.  If listening to him for 20 minutes and giving him reassurance allows him to enjoy the rest of his day, that serves to improve his quality of life to a much higher level.

Quality of Life serves Aging with Ease!

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Share Your Stories...

Today I went with my mother to visit my grandmother.  Not the same grandmother that I have mentioned in other posts.  This is my mother's mother and she is 90 years old.  She lived with my parents for more than 10 years and recently, due to health decline, has moved into a long-term care facility.  These last few months have been very difficult to watch as my grandmother began to fail both physically and mentally.

My grandmother has always been a very strong-willed person.  When things needed to get done, you could count on her to do it.  She always kept her word and could be depended on when you needed her.  She also was directly open about telling you what she thought about things.  Most times, she would express her opinions with love, but there were several moments that I can easily think of where she told you what she thought without any regard to what the reaction might be.  Don't get me wrong, my grandmother is a wonderful person.  From her I get my strength to keep moving forward, my stubbornness, my need to always be on time, my work ethic and my confidence.  From her I also inherited the family gene to worry.  She would worry endlessly about everything.  I also inherited from her the talent to keep personal struggles to myself.  Sometimes these two traits can be good things, but sometimes, as you can imagine, they are not.

I think that those last two traits are why, as her mind begins to fail, she spends a lot of her time now paranoid that people are talking about her, worrying that they are going to throw her out of her room and suspicious that they are out to get her.  It is very difficult some days to visit her.  You never know what you are going to be walking into.  One day, she is very pleasant and speaks very highly of the staff who help her.  The next time she spends the whole visit begging us to take her home.  The strain and guilt that this puts on my mother does not go unnoticed.  I know she wonders if things would be better for my grandmother if she did take her home again, but the fact is that my grandmother needs someone with her 24 hours a day.  Watching over her medications, her health and her hygiene.  These are not things that my mother is able to provide for her.

I am never sure what to say to my mother after a visit with my grandmother.  As a nurse in geriatrics, I understand the changes that are going on with my grandmother.  I have seen this progression so many times.  That does not mean that it makes it any easier to cope with it.  It makes you feel awful to see someone that you love, who was once so strong and vibrant, now look so sad and frail.  The only comfort I can give my mother is to reassure her that my grandmother is getting good care.  That she is in a good facility where people do really care about her.  Having worked in long-term care facilities before, I know the signs of quality care and they are all present at her facility.  My mother knows this as well and that does bring her some peace of mind.

My family is very blessed to have had my grandmother in our lives for so long.  Many families are not so lucky.  My hope for her is to find some peace in her own mind as she reaches the last stage of her life.  Perhaps the anxiety she feels is actually a result of exactly that - maybe she is afraid to die?  I don't know what the right answer is to this.  What the best course of action should be.  What we should say to her when she asks us to take her home.  I just answer her honestly about why she needs to be there and hope that some day soon she will accept this stage of her life.

If you are a caregiver who has gone through this transition with your loved one, I would love to hear your stories...

Sharing your stories helps the process of Aging with Ease!

 
I originally posted this in November 2011 on my first Aging with Ease blog, my grandmother passed away in February 2012 at peace with her family at her side.  Her passing would be the first of three close family members leaving me in 2012.  Let's just say this year has been very long, sad and unending.  As the year finally draws close to the final month all I can really say is that my family knows I love them.  Death is final and there is nothing you can do to change it.  All you can do is just love them...

I am working on finding a way to regain some motivation in my life, as my grandmothers and my father taught me to do.  It has been difficult since the three people I have lost were also the three people who motivated and inspired me the most.  I hope any followers that I have are patient with me as I try get back into it. 

Depression in Older Adults and the Elderly

Article: Depression in Older Adults and the Elderly

Depression is a very common occurrence in seniors for numerous reasons.  They have lost friends and loved ones; they become isolated due to physical losses; some suffer from health issues.  There are many factors that can lead to depression in older adults.  Anti-depressants are not always the best treatment for this problem.  As we age, our body is not able to metabolize medications as well and because of this the side effects of these medications are more commonly noted, which can do more harm than good.  Also medication alone, at any age, will not alleviate depression.  The reasons that are causing the sadness must also be addressed.  Click the image to read a very informative article regarding this issue.

Knowing the signs of depression in older adults improves your chances of Aging with Ease!

Navigating a Hospital Stay, Are You Getting the Help You Need?

Are you getting the help you need?  Navigating our health care system is, let's just say, nearly impossible.   Many people, especially older adults, don't even know if they are getting all the help they need or is available before, during or after a hospitalization.  Why is this such a well kept secret in our health care system?

Seems to me that the more knowledge and assistance you give someone the more likely it will be that they do not end up right back in the emergency room, constantly repeating the near same scenario over and over again.  It does not take a degree in economics to see that the system would be able to keep costs down considerably by giving more priority to this very simple element of health care.  Instead this system leads you to think that it is complete ignorance on our part that keeps costs so high when it appears to me that there is just entirely too many special interests involved in the treatment of sick people.

Every time that I experience, first hand, just how difficult moving through the labyrinth of our health care system is, I am left to wonder how in the world do families that do not have a medical professional as part of their family ever get anywhere.  The education of people should be of top priority, especially during a hospitalization, yet it always feels like the patient and family are left in the dark.   WHY?

As I write, my father lies in a hospital slowly recovering from a bowel obstruction. This is the 4th, yeah that is right, the 4th hospital that he has been over the last month.   Due to preexisting difficulties with advanced chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), the proper treatment for the bowel obstruction was delayed for far too long.  We started the first week at a local community hospital that either was not permitted to refer us to a larger hospital or just simply did not consider it.  Had it not been because of persistence of the family and a family member with a medical education, my father probably would not be with us at all.  After requesting that he be transferred to a larger teaching hospital with the ability to give him the help he needed we were told by the physician that he feels that would be the best plan and my father was moved within hours and just hours after being admitted to that larger facility with more advanced technology he received the surgery he needed.  He remained at this hospital for three weeks making slow improvements everyday with a few set backs.  He was finally strong enough to be transferred to a rehabilitation hospital at which he stayed for all of 12 hours before they sent him to yet another local community hospital because his oxygen levels were low.

The frustration the I feel about the systems within healthcare are mind blowing.  Many things run through my mind in the care of my father.

1. Why did the rehabilitation hospital not call a family member when his oxygen levels became low? To at least give us the option to say: "Please send him back to the facility he just came from".
2. Why did the current hospital that he is in right now not contact the previous hospital that he just spent 3 weeks at to obtain his records?
3. Did my father miss doses of his medications when he transferred from one facility to the next?  This very fact alone may have been what caused his oxygen levels to drop...
4. Where is he going to go from here?

The common denominator in every question that goes through my head is communication and why is it so poor in our healthcare system?  In this day and age there is no excuse for it!  If I can know with in seconds what my cousin on the other side of the country is eating for dinner right now and even see pictures of it through social media then we should be able to send communications just as quickly about things that truly matter in the care of a persons life.

Not only would some real attention to this aspect of healthcare improve the continuity of a patients' care but it would also help to keep the cost of health care down.  Blood test results, x-ray reports, CT scan reports, MRI reports, medication records, patient allergies, assessments, therapy notes, specialists reports, etc. all at your fingertips thus preventing unnecessary repeat testing.

I spend a portion of each day talking to someone at the hospital, whichever one he may be in, about the care of my father.  Whether it be his social worker, care coordinator, nurse, surgeon or physician I am constantly seeking information about what they are doing to help my father,  what the next steps are going to be and what he needs to be doing to get there.  If I would not be pursuing the information, we would be in the dark.  I hate the dark, don't you!

Learning how to navigate our health care system is essential to Aging with Ease!

Geriatric Care Management

So today I learned about a service that I have not had any experience with.  It is called Geriatric Care Management.  Some of you may already be familiar with this service, but it intrigued me because of my lack of knowledge about it.  So I did some research about it. This service offers support for families caring for older adults.  Many of people who are faced with caring for a spouse or parent who is declining in their health really have no idea where to begin to look for help.  Those difficulties are escalated when you are a child of an older adult and live miles away.   The day-to-day care that is needed can leave you exhausted and feeling depleted to even have the energy to look for help.

Geriatric Care Management offers care managers that specialize in social services. They assist in finding the help you need based on your individual situation.  Their goal is to help older adults find the best quality of life physically, mentally and socially.   If you are looking for help finding the right long-term care or assisted living facility, they can help you with that process.  If you need someone locally to check in regularly on a loved one, they can provide that service.  They will advocate for any needs that will assist in achieving an improved quality of life for the older adult as well as for the caregiver.

Geriatric Care Managers charge clients in a variety of ways, but typically their hourly rates are between $50-$200 an hour.   Medicare, Medicaid and private health insurance very rarely pay for these costs; long term care insurance might, but most often this is an out-of-pocket cost.  I know that sounds expensive, but when you consider the convenience and security they provide, the cost can seem worth it.  Actually, Care Managers usually save families money despite being an out-of-pocket cost because their needs assessments align an individual’s present condition with only those services that are necessary at that point in time.  This prevents unnecessary fees from home care providers and assisted living residences.

This service is worth checking out if you are struggling to decide the best way to provide care for an aging adult.  The first step is to locate one and simply have a phone conversation with them about different ways that they might be able to help your situation.  A simple Google search for Geriatric Care Management will help you easily locate one near you.  If you decide it is worth the investment, they will come to meet you and your loved one to perform a complete assessment; physically, mentally, financially and socially.  Together you create a plan to manage care.

Like I said before, I do not have any first hand experience with this service but it appears to be a very useful resource in assisting caregivers to manage care.  If you have ever used this service or know of someone who did, I would be very interested to hear what the experience was like.  Did they own up to what they offer?

Finding the right kind of help that is available for you is vital to Aging with Ease!

Fulfilling Activities in Adult Day Centers

Creating fulfilling activities for seniors can be challenging at times, especially if they are suffering from memory loss or physical ailments that limit their abilities to participate the way that others can.  I am blessed to work with some of the most creative people I have ever met.   They are constantly meeting this need for the seniors in our Adult Day Center.  They never cease to amaze me and I am constantly learning from them.

There are two main things that I have learned the most from my co-workers:
1. Try anything, no matter how odd it may seem;  you never know what might work.
2. If it failed once, that does not mean that it will fail again.

We offer a variety of different activities every month.  Sometimes certain activities are scheduled on specific days of the week with certain clients in mind.  For instance, for the lawyer who only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, we schedule a game called "You Be The Judge."  This game engages this client extremely well and brings back to his life a chance to share his knowledge.   Then there is the retired English Professor who misses leading lectures in his classroom; he is given an opportunity to present a different topic each month to the other clients and staff.  By providing this activity for him, we are giving him a sense of purpose and a chance to perform.  There also is a client that spent her life raising her nine children - yes that is right 9 children -  she spent much of her time after her children were grown making quilts but because of memory loss she had stopped doing this.  My staff was able to find a way for her to continue this joy in her life.  It took several different approaches to find the best way for her to be successful at it, but she now comes into the center and gets right into it without hesitation.  I could go on and on with examples of these types of great things that happen in our Adult Day Center.

As clients remain at our center over time, their level of functioning will change.   Activities they once were successful at become difficult and frustrating for them.  Again, my staff observes this and quickly adapts to these changes. An example of this would be to remind you of the client that is a lawyer, that I spoke of in the paragraph above.  Since he started at our center, his condition has progressed and he no longer finds fulfillment in that game.  So the activity for this client was changed.  We looked for another opportunity for him to feel useful.  What we found was that he needed to be responsible for something in the center that made him feel useful.  So we gave him the task of helping with setup for activities and clean up when they are over.  He takes this responsibility very seriously and it is a huge help to our staff.  A win, win situation.

These activities are a direct product of my staff - by them constantly looking for ways for our clients to feel important and useful again.   There are also many activities that, in general, can be easily managed no matter what their losses may be.   We do use these activities regularly as well.  But who wants to do the same thing every day?  We all need variety in our lives no matter what age we are.

Adult Day Services can provide useful, fulfilling and satisfying activities for seniors.  They are designed to provide stimulation and socialization, which in the long run will keep older adults more active physically and mentally.  With all that to offer, it seems kind of silly not to check them out.  This kind of structure to a person's day will keep them living independently longer and can provide comfort to families that their loved one is being productive in a safe environment. 

Aging with Ease can be obtained by feeling useful as older adults!

A Visit With My Grandmother

This weekend I was visiting my grandmother who now, at the age of 95, has recently moved into a skilled care setting.  I was sitting there talking with her and bringing her up to date on the happenings in our family as I frequently have to do when I go see her and it occurred to me that my grandmother is the essence of Aging with Ease.  She is the true inspiration for why I began writing and trying to help others.  She is the reason that I care and respect older adults the way that I do.  I have watched her progress from the vibrant person who would always be ready for play to the old woman who now mostly sits in her chair, content with her life and herself the whole way through.  It is her attitude toward life that has aided her the most in gracefully going through the aging process.

I can remember when I was 12 years old and my grandfather became ill with cancer.  I can clearly recall the way in which my grandmother cared for him with respect, love and laughter.  Never changing the way she loved him or how they communicated with each other.  It always stayed with me how she faced the reality of the situation head on, would tell you what she thought about it and then just simply do what needed to be done.  There was never a doubt in her mind, at least not that I saw, of what she should do, care for and love him.  Of course, she would be sad sometimes, but it never held her back; she seemed, to me, to gain strength from the hard times.

Not long after my grandfather passed away is when she decided it was time to sell her house and move to a retirement community, there was no changing her mind.  She knew she could no longer care for the house any longer and the memories that she shared with grandfather in the house that he built for her was just too much.  It was time to move on!  Our family would discuss with her other possible options besides living in a retirement community but her mind was set.  She would say: "This is what I want to do, I don't want to live with my children."  So everything was packed up and the house was sold.

My grandmother transitioned through every level of care within this retirement community over a span of about 18 years.  With every move, she accepted it with ease and trust that she would be taken of even though with every move she was slowly losing her sight, her hearing and eventually her mobility.  She never once doubted her faith or her family.  She would find laughter in the situation and was always so very grateful that we were there for her.   So thankful we were there to make sure that everything would be done the way she would want it and that the things that were most important to her stayed with her.

Now, as she sits in her favorite recliner, unable to see anymore and hardly able to move with out help, all she prays for is a peaceful end to her life.  Not because she is sad or depressed.  If you would meet my grandmother, you would know that she certainly is none of those things.  My grandmother even at the age of 95 could still be the life of a party.  She hopes for the end because she has lived her life to the fullest.  She has no regrets.  She has lead a happy and full life by having fun and helping others.  She is simply just tired, her body aches and she cannot do the things that she once did.

She has gone through the aging process with grace.  I can only hope to follow in her footsteps, even just a little.  In my work I have seen the direct result of negative attitudes on a person's health.  The mind is the most powerful tool you have in overcoming challenges in your life.  She showed me how to always look for something to laugh about, especially if it is about yourself.  She showed me to just let it go.  She showed me that if you can't change what is happening, then find a way to handle it but keep moving forward.

I am truly blessed to have had a person like this in my life.  I think there are probably many people that don't.  All you can do is be responsible for yourself and your own attitude.  You cannot change the way other people think or behave.  The most you can do is maybe make them laugh, which sometimes is all that they may need to improve their attitude, at least for a while...

Finding joy in your life is the essence of Aging with Ease!

• When I originally made this post in November 2011, little did I know at the time that a few short months later my grandmother would get exactly what she was praying for.  She passed away on May 1, 2012.  Thanks to the wonderful nursing staff where she lived she died peacefully with a photo of my grandfather right beside her and her music playing, just the way she wanted it.  I miss her everyday!

It Might Be Time to Step In...

As a child of aging parents, it can be difficult to know when your parents can no longer manage on their own.  Your mother or father will become very adept at keeping it looking good.  You will become very good at looking the other way.  It is not easy to look at your parent as someone who needs help with their activities of daily living.  Parents are the people you turn to for support, advice and strength - not the other way around.  On top of that, your parent will most likely become upset with you if you even suggest that they cannot manage on their own anymore.  No one enjoys confrontation, especially with our parents.

Some of the sure signs that someone may need to step in are easy to spot, if you are looking for them.

• Things in the house are out of order from the normal (laundry piling up, dirty dishes, messy floors, etc.)

• Mail piling up and bills not being paid

• Body odor/ Poor hygiene

• Frequently losing or misplacing things

• Forgetting to go to appointments

• Spoiled foods in the refrigerator

If you notice some of these signs, you need to take a closer look.  There are numerous reason that these things could be occurring.  Pain, fatigue, or memory loss just to name a few.   As uncomfortable as this discussion may be, it needs to be done.  Avoiding it until the situation becomes a crisis will decrease your family's control of the decisions that need to be made.

If you have siblings, you need to involve them in these discussions.  This is a family matter; it should not completely fall on the shoulders of one child.  Typically one child will become the primary care taker for your parents but that does not mean that all the decisions fall to you. 

If you are an only child, seek advice and guidance from other family members.  If you feel like you have no one to help you with this problem, you can look for support online, your parent's physician, your pastor or your local Area Office of Aging. 

Expect confrontation when you approach your parent about these concerns.  Try to keep your cool.  Continue to talk with them calmly and respectfully.  It may need to be brought up more than once until you are able to have on honest conversation with them about the changes that you are seeing.

Knowing when to step in aides older adults' ability to experience Aging with Ease!

Time to Hang Up the Keys?

What do you do when your parent or spouse is unsafe to drive a car any longer?  This is a delicate problem.  Of all the things that you lose as you age, not being able to drive a vehicle any more can be one of the most difficult to face.  It is one of the biggest losses of independence an older adult can encounter.

Some signs that it may be time to stop driving:
1. Slowed motor reflexes
2. Decline in vision
3. Impaired hearing
4. Decline in attention span
5. Physical limitations (neck, arms and/or legs)
6. A few "Close Calls"- almost hitting someone, dents or scratches on your car

If your loved one is experiencing one or more of these difficulties, it may mean that it is time to look at their driving safety.  Being forthcoming about these limitations can help to understand the risk that they may be taking by driving a vehicle.  It would be horrible for them to be responsible for a terrible accident by avoiding these questions.  The last thing anyone wants is to hurt themselves or somebody else.  The risk for fatal motor accidents rises significantly after the age of 70.

Another important point is for them to know their limitations.  If they don't see well at night, then don't drive at night.  If they get nervous driving to certain areas because of traffic congestion, then don't drive to those areas.  If they have pain in their neck when they try to look back over their shoulder, have it checked by a physician.

Tips to staying healthy behind the wheel:
1. Stay active
2. Have regular eye and hearing exams
3. Manage any chronic conditions
4. Know your limitations
5. Plan ahead for trips
6. Drive when weather is good

If you feel that it is time to hang up the keys, you do not have to face this obstacle alone.  Ask your physician for support in this and ask that he recommend this for your loved one. You can request to discuss it with him at an appointment.  There are driving courses available for older adults that you can enroll in to have them evaluated by a professional.

Click Here to visit the AARP link to their Driver Safety Program.

Being safe behind the wheel contributes to Aging with Ease!

Choose Your Battles Wisely

When you are the caregiver for someone, it is essential that you choose your battles wisely.  Caring for someone suffering from dementia, brings times when you will find yourself having the same frustrations with them over and over again.  This is not something they can change.  This is something you must change about yourself and how you handle the situation.

For example, a frequent concern my client's families come to me about is their loved one's refusal to bathe.  Most of us probably shower on a daily basis.  Prior to their diagnosis of dementia, so did your loved one.  It comes as a shock that this very basic activity of daily living is something that they no longer want to or are able to do. 

This can be very frustrating for some caregivers.  I try to help the caregiver realize that this is an issue they have to get over.  If you look at your loved one's current level of activity, it is probably significantly less than it once was so a bath every day is really not necessary.  They probably hardly ever break a sweat.  Unless there are incontinence problems, they have an odor or they have sores, the need for daily bathing is a routine that can be changed.  This is a daily argument or frustration that you could avoid.  Another thing to consider is home health care; in my experience, people are more likely to listen to a stranger that they recognize as a care taker than their own family when it comes to personal hygiene.  If you try to look at it from the patients point of view, it would feel degrading to some degree to need help from your spouse or your children to bathe. 

Another example, which is also a chronic problem that I hear, is difficulty having your loved one with dementia change their clothes.  How many of us wear the same outfit two days in a row?  Not anyone that I know.   So why do so many dementia patients develop this habit?  I don't have the answer to that question but it occurs none the less.

Rather than arguing with them about having worn that outfit yesterday or repeatedly trying to explain that their clothes need to be washed, a simpler solution might be to just remove the clothes they had on that day from their site when they get ready for bed at night and to lay out a new outfit for the next day the night before.  Seems like an obvious solution but you would be surprised at how many caregivers have never thought to do that.  Especially if it is a husband and wife dealing with this situation, they have lifelong habits and routines that have always worked for them and because of the progression of dementia those routines must all change.   Again this is also an area where home health care could offer relief for you in the daily care of your loved one.

I could go on and on with examples of ways that you could try different approaches to the ever-changing challenges of dementia.  The point I want to make the most is that you choose you battles wisely.   Attempting to argue with someone with dementia or trying to make them understand something that they are no longer able to understand or remember is a losing battle that will only make you, the caregiver, feel bad in the end.  The progression of dementia cannot be stopped or controlled not matter how hard you try.  Remember to try to enjoy each moment that you can no matter how brief they may be.  Spending your time trying to get them to understand something when they are no longer able to is a waste of your precious energy.


Choosing you battles wisely promotes Aging  with Ease!

The Value of a Quality Movie!

Ahhh, the movies!  Who doesn't love a good movie?  They can entice your senses.  They can make you dream of another life.  They can give you hope.  They can scare you to death.  They can make you feel warm and fuzzy.  They can open your eyes to the world.   They can make you laugh and cry.  They can educate you.  So many ways that a good movie can satisfy the senses...  The value of a movie is one thing that does not change as we age.  Movies can satisfy your senses at any age!

 However, in this day and age as an older adult, it can be hard to find a good movie to go see.   So many of the current movies don't seem to offer a whole lot of value.  Let's face it, many of them are just plain raunchy!  They seem to just be trying to shock you by just how inappropriate the content can get.  I was thinking about this during the past week as I searched for an appropriate movie to take a group of clients to from the Adult Day Center that I work in.  There were very few choices and really nothing with any value to them. 

I feel that mainstream movie-makers are missing a fairly large group of potential moviegoers by not having more options of movies available for the older population.  As I looked over the listings at our local movie theater, they were showing 12 different movies and only one of them was one that I would even consider taking a group of older adults to.  HELLO, baby boomers are now the largest group of people over 60 years old that has ever occurred!   They should have more options for satisfying their senses when they want to see a movie.

We routinely show movies at the Adult Day Center that I work at.  They are mostly older movies that they have requested to see.  Movies are a great way for them to remember their past.  The movies we show tend to spark memories in our clients, which induce conversations in the center.  I view that as a successful activity.   Any activity that gets people talking to each other and reminiscing about their lives should be viewed as a good thing.  I love hearing these conversations.  It helps me learn more about who these people really were in their life.  It also makes me realize that everybody essentially wants the same things in life.  To be happy, loved and secure. 

The selection of older movies that can be shown  are endless but try to find a list of current movies that fits the criteria, the list does not form so quickly.   I suggest that this is because our society just simply does not value our older adults as they should.   The majority of movies today are driven to attract the young.  Don't get me wrong, I love the movies.  All types of movies.  I am simply suggesting that more quality movies be made more often.  By "quality movies" I mean movies with substance that inspire hope, real life and give a connection to life.  Movies such as: The Help, Moneyball, The Notebook, Blindside and The Greenmile come too far and few between. 

Satisfying your senses keeps a person on the path to Aging with Ease.

Exploring Personal Care

Today I would like to explore Personal Care Living, formally known as Assisted Living.  This level of care is the in-between stage that comes after independently living in your home or apartment but before the need for skilled long-term care.

Personal Care settings offer 24-hour nursing staff, prepared meals, laundry services, housekeeping services, medication administration, health monitoring and activities.  Sounds kind of like long-term care living, but there is a big difference.  Residents at this level of care are still able to mostly perform their own activities of daily living like bathing, dressing, using the bathroom, things like that.  The nursing staff that is on duty are mostly certified nursing assistants and medication technicians who are all overseen by a registered nurse.  The ratios of patients to staff are less than that of a long-term care setting.  These ratios are less because the demand for one-on-one care is significantly less in Personal Care.  That is not to say that additional help will not be provided by staff.

Typically, there are three level-of-care tiers to determine the costs of living in Personal Care.  Residents who are only requiring meals, laundry services, housekeeping services and medication administration will be less expensive than a resident in this setting that needs more assistance with their care.  A resident that is already using all the first-tier options but in addition needs assistance throughout the day to manage problems with incontinence will bump them up to the next tier.  If a resident is using all of the previously mentioned services but in addition to that needs assistance with bathing and dressing each day, that will put them in the highest-tier level.  You need to examine the different tier levels at whatever facility you are looking at to determine which one you would fall into.  The cost of Assisted Living across the country ranges from $1,500 to $5,000/monthly with the average probably somewhere around $2,500-$3,500 per month.

In my opinion, if you are considering looking at admission for Personal Care and you are already at that highest-tier level of care, you should seriously consider a long-term care setting.  Most residents that reach the third-tier level are not able to stay in Personal Care for much longer.  Typically their condition is deteriorating and more extensive care is needed than can be provided in Personal Care.   In addition to this, a move to a new setting can be very difficult and confusing for older adults.  It can cause increased confusion, agitation and depression.  It can take as long as 1-2 months for them to adjust to their new setting.  The last thing you want to do is move them twice in a short period of time.  Some older adults never recover from something like that.  They feel unsettled, unwanted and almost punished in some way for having to be moved again.  As a result of that, the family then feels as though they have not done what is best for their loved one.

This decision should not be taken lightly nor should it be made alone.  This should be a discussion for you along with the people closest to you.  Talk openly about why this could be the best course to take, discuss why the move is needed and explore other possible options that might be available.

If you are a child trying to figure out what is best for Mom or Dad, make sure you are including them in your discussions.  If you have concerns about their living arrangements, express those concerns openly, honestly and respectfully.  Unless you are dealing with an advanced stage of dementia where communication will have no positive outcome, these conversations need to take place no matter how uncomfortable it may be.  Always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to figure out how you would want to be treated.  Trying to find a solution to problems together as a family will increase your chances for success significantly.

Communication is key to Aging with Ease!

Join Me In Supporting Alzheimer's Research

More than 5.4 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's disease today, and that number is expected to grow to as many as 16 million by 2050. And that doesn’t even take into account the nearly 11 million people who care for a loved one with the disease.

Again this year I am participating in "2012 Walk to End Alzheimer's" in Lancaster, PA.  The Alzheimer's Association leads the way in research, development, and caregiver support.  Join me in supporting this worthy cause either by walking with me or donating to the cause.  Donating is easy and even small donations can make a big difference. Just go online to alz.org/walk. Click on “Donate” and search for my name, Christy Carpenter, as a walker.

Supporting efforts to find a treatment for Alzheimer's Disease and supporting their caregivers inspires Aging with Ease!

A Story - End of Life

The care of someone who is reaching the end of their life is a difficult process to undergo no matter what their age is.  It is a time of self doubt, constantly asking yourself if you are making the right decisions, wondering if this is what your loved one would want.

Most of us do not think about reaching the end of our lives on a regular basis and what we would want if that time came upon us.  I know that I would want to die with dignity, without pain or discomfort, and surrounded by the people that I love.  In my experiences with helping patients and their families through this stage of life, they all want those things also.

This truly became apparent to me when I needed to provide care for my father-in-law at the end of his life.  I really did not know specifically what he wanted to be done, what his wish was for this last portion of his journey through life.  I was very close to him and tried to put myself in his shoes to try to figure out what I would want if it was me that this was happening to.  Not an easy place to put yourself! 

My father-in-law passed away rather quickly from cancer that had spread from his lung to his liver and to his brain.  His final diagnosis was established in late October 2008 and he passed away in our home in February 2009.  When we were first told the results of his tests, it seemed to me that he was ready to fight to live, but as I look back now at that time, I realize that he knew before the diagnosis was even confirmed that he was in the last stages of his life.  Even with that being said, he agreed to the treatments and followed all the instructions to the letter.  I think he did those things to give the people he loved time to deal and accept the situation that was at hand.  He would have discussions with me and his son (my husband) about certain aspects of possessions he had and wishes for those closest to him, but we never talked about what he wanted for himself when he was no longer able to communicate with us.

In the end, we brought him to our home to be cared for until his last day.  I was constantly second guessing myself.  Is this the right thing to do?  Is this what is best for my family?  Can I do this?  Nothing can prepare you for providing end-of-life care for someone so close to you.  People think that because I am a nurse and have helped many families through this process that it would somehow be easier for me.  I can assure you that having had the experience I had in my work only made it harder.  Having been through this process so many times before with people that were not my family, I knew all the stages and what to expect.  This was the one time in my life when I wished I was more ignorant.  I knew what it meant when the confusion set in.  I knew what it meant to start giving the morphine to control the pain.  I knew what it meant when he could no longer respond to us.  I knew what it meant when that very distinct smell arrived.  I knew what it meant when his breathing changed.  Knowing all these things only made it harder but also reassured me that there was no other place that he should be than with us. 

My father-in-law died with dignity, without pain and surrounded by the people that loved him.  With the help of Hospice, we were able to give him those things in our home, a place that was his second home, a place that he knew well and felt he belonged.

Was it the right thing for my family?  YES!  Was it the right thing to do?  YES!  Is this what he would have wanted?  YES!  Did we make the right decision?  YES!

I only hope that when I find myself in the last stage of my life that I am surrounded by the people that I love the most, that I die with dignity and that my death is peaceful.

Let your wishes be known to those that love you!  Help your family with making these decisions when you can't.  You are never too young to think about these things.  My father-in-law died at the age of 56.  Having some kind of direction from him about his end of life care would have been priceless to us. 

Five Wishes is a great tool for you to use to write down these wishes for your family and take some of the burden off of them.  I would have valued this information in the care of my father-in-law had I known of it then.

Click image to view

Aging with Ease includes preparing for the end of life, not only for yourself but to help your family know your wishes!

Stay Young, Keep Learning!

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.” Henry Ford

This is one of my favorite quotes.  Whenever I feel that there should be more to my life, I find that learning something new makes me feel inspired and young again.  One way you can continue to learn as you get up into those older years is to join groups that offer new learning experiences for you among your peers and at a reasonable cost.

If you live in my area, Southeastern Pennsylvania, then you should check out the Pathways Institute.  They offer many opportunities for older adults to continue to feel young by learning and having new experiences. Click on the below image to view their site and check out their fall schedule!

If you do not live in my area, not to worry.  There are groups like this all over the country, you just need to search for them.  If you are having trouble finding one in your area, send me a message and I will help you try to find one...

Learn something new everyday to maintain Aging with Ease!

Fall Prevention

Are you caring for an older adult who is falling?  Are you yourself an older adult and seem to keep landing on the floor?  This is a serious problem with our older generation.  Falls are the number one contributing factor to hospitalizations of older adults.  Injuries resulting from a fall can lead to extensive recuperation time and even death.

Falling is not a normal part of aging.  You should consult with your physician to be sure that there is not a medical reason that is causing you to fall.  Conditions like low blood pressure, diabetes,  neurological disorders, vision problems, ear problems and medications could be contributing to these falls.

However, there are some simple things you can do around your home to make your living environment safer.  Night time and early morning are the most common times of day that falls occur.  When you sit up in bed from a lying position, you frequently experience some dizziness because of the rush of blood from your head.   When you are older, the urge to use the bathroom can come on quickly so you feel rushed to get to the restroom.  If you do not take the time to regain your balance before you attempt to stand and walk, you are going to fall.  An easy way to avoid this problem is to wait until your head is clear and then continue on with your business.  If that means you need to wear some incontinence protection to bed to give you that time, then do it.  This will keep everything tidy and also keep you from hitting the floor.  Also, make sure to have a light right beside your bed that you can easily reach so you are not doing things in the dark!

Another major cause of falls in the home are those cute, very stylish throw rugs.  We all have them and honestly I would have trouble parting with mine too, but it is important to do away with them - especially if you use a walker or a cane to ambulate.  These throw rugs are a trip hazard waiting to happen.  They can very easily knock you off balance, causing you to fall.

You should also consider that you may need the aide of a cane or walker to improve your balance.  There are many conditions that affect your balance as you age; Parkinson's, vision loss, stroke, just to name a few.  Many people resist the use of these devices, maybe because they think it will make them appear old or that they need help.  In fact, by recognizing this need, they are actually enabling themselves to remain independent longer because they reduce their risk of falling, which can lead to injuries that will the store and buy the cutest device you can find.  You need to be trained how to use these devices correctly and safely.  You should speak to your physician about these devices and ask for a referral for Physical Therapy.   The physical therapists will evaluate your abilities and what device will work the best for you.  They will also train you on how to use them correctly.  Also, by asking for this prescription from your doctor, you should be able to have your new device partially paid by your Medicare plan. "Adjustable Aluminum Cane"

Hugo Elite Rolling Walker 4.0 - Rolling Walkers & Rollators
Lastly, if you live alone, what would you do if you did fall and could not get yourself off the floor to get help?  Be proactive in preventing this terrible situation!  Look into a Home Medical Alert System that you can wear on a bracelet or necklace all the time that will automatically call someone to come and help you just by pressing a button.  There are different ways to obtain these devices.  There are companies that sell their devices and then charge a monthly fee for 24-hour on-call personnel.  These are great if you do not live very close to family or friends who could be the ones to help you.  If you do have family and friends nearby who would be willing to be the on-call person should something happen, then you can purchase these devices at a local pharmacy or medical supply store with no monthly fee.  You can program a specific phone number in them so when you push the button it will dial that number for help.
 


Preventing falls as we age leads to Aging with Ease!

Stay Active, Stay Strong!

Here is a clear example of how to stay active as we age and why being active in life is so vital to Aging with Ease...

Creating Interactive Activities for Seniors. Click image to read article.

Let me know what your thoughts are about this article.  I would love to hear of any activities that you have found that have worked for you to remain active in life...

Grandpa Loving Life!

 

I hope I am still having fun like this when I am that age!

Stroke Victim Care Starts with Rehabilitation

Today I would like to discuss caring for someone who has suffered from a stroke, or Cerebral Vascular Accident (CVA). A lot of what I have written thus far has been pertaining to the care of people with memory loss but there are many other illness that can affect older adults that will leave them with a need to be cared for.  When a loved one has suffered from a stroke, it can affect them in many different ways.  It can leave them with paralysis of one side of their body, difficulty with speech, difficulty with swallowing, changes in personality, memory loss or any combination of these things.  Caring for your loved one can be complex.
It is very important to be extremely involved in their rehabilitation program that should have begun while they are still in the hospital setting.  After their discharge, this program should continue into the home to help ensure that you are able to adequately manage their care.  Do not be afraid to ask questions of these therapists.  This rehabilitation time is very valuable to you and your loved one; it will not last forever and it will then be up to both of you to continue it when they are done.  Typically, initially after a CVA the effects can be significant but with good therapy some of the lost functions can be regained.

 

Physical Therapy (PT) offers the opportunity to increase your loved one's strength, regain their ability to walk, increase their balance and improve their overall movement.  This is important for any stroke victim no matter what losses that they may have.  A stroke, in general, exhausts your entire body and it needs to be built back up again.  PT is especially important if you have suffered paralysis as a result.  Physical therapists will work extensively at regaining your ability to walk.  They have valuable knowledge in devices such as specialized mobility devices that may be needed.  They will also work with their hands, elbows, knees and feet to prevent contractions from developing in their joints by using braces and stretching exercises to maintain their mobility.  It is vital that you learn these techniques so that you continue their treatment when the therapy ends.

Occupational Therapy (OT) focuses on their activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, using the bathroom, and other basic self-functioning skills.  These are especially important when you are ready to go home.  They will come to your home and help you set up your living area so that you can more easily and safely provide care.  Occupational therapists come with a wealth of knowledge of adaptive equipment that can be placed in your home to make the care of your loved one physically easier on you.  Do not hesitate to bring concerns you have to their attention.  Once again, the more involved you are in this rehabilitation program, the more success you and your loved one will have when you are on your own.

Speech Therapy helps your loved one relearn to speak more clearly or to take nourishment safely if their speech or swallowing has been affected as a result of the stroke.  In my experiences with these losses, many patients do regain a lot of what was initially lost.  Speech therapists will do pronunciation drills and oral exercises to improve their tongue and throat muscles.  They will explain what foods and drinks are safe for them to eat.   It is essential that you clearly understand any restrictions that they may have; you don't want to end up back in the hospital with pneumonia because they are silently aspirating food or drink.

This is just an overview of what I have seen in my work.  In my experiences with stroke victims, the families that are the most involved see the best results in the care of their loved one.  It can be managed at home if you are up for the challenge.  Most CVA victims still are very alert and oriented.  Being involved from the beginning with the rehabilitation process increases your chances for success at home.  It will increase their chances of Aging with Ease!

Still Alice by Lisa Genova

Have you ever wonder what is going on inside the mind of a person with dementia?  How it feels to be diagnosed with Alzheimer's?   How it feels to know that you are losing grip with reality?  How it feels to know that you soon may not be able to remember who the people are that you love the most?  Try to imagine how frightening that would be!  The book "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova gives great insight into the mind of an Alzheimer's victim.  It is a great read for anyone caring for someone with dementia or even if you suffer from it yourself.

Click image to read an excerpt from the book. 
Let me know how you like it...

Caregiver Help for Alzheimer's Patients

Many people that either have Alzheimer's Disease themselves or are caring for someone with the disease will face many difficulties adapting to the changes that are coming or are already happening.  You will be looking for help in learning more about what to expect, how you will manage financially, what legal matters should be handled and where can you turn for help.  If you have not located the Alzheimer's Association web site, you need to check it out.  It provides an endless amount of knowledge and guidance through the process.  I discovered and explored this web site after participating in the Alzheimer's Walk in September 2011.

I encourage you to click the above image to visit this site; the link will take you to their CareFinder page where it can help you find assistance in your area.  Explore the site and let me know what you think...

Caregivers: FORGIVE YOURSELF!

I hear it so often, caregivers blaming themselves for declines in their loved ones' conditions or for not being ready for a change in their condition.  I am here to say that you need to forgive yourself!  When dealing with the process of dementia, those changes are going to come along no matter what kind of plan you have in place.  Sometimes they will come gradually, but more often than not those changes are going to seem like they come at you overnight.

Let's say one day you and your loved one wake up to start your day just like any other day following the same routine that you have followed each morning with success. You and your loved one get up, eat breakfast, take out the dog, get washed and dressed.  Today, however, you return to the bedroom to find that your loved one, suffering from dementia, is not able to figure out how to get dressed.  He cannot seem to comprehend what he should do first.  This is a common problem that develops as the disease progresses.  Your first reaction will probably not be to recognize that, especially if you need to be somewhere else.  You may react in a way that you will not be proud of later.  You need to forgive yourself!  There are not always clues that this change is coming.  It can seem impossible to you that such a significant change can happen that quickly.  Suddenly, it will seem like your whole routine has been thrown out the window.


When these declines in their conditions arise, it is a good time to take a step back and re-evaluate the whole situation that you are faced with.  Try not to show disappointment toward your loved one.

Believe me, this is nothing that they want anymore than you do.  If you take time to provide the assistance that they need and try not to let that initial reaction take control, you will be able to look back at the situation without guilt or blame.  You need to ask yourself, Is this a need that I can fulfill?  Be honest with yourself.

Some people can provide personal care without any second thought about it but we are not all built the same way.  Some people are very uncomfortable providing this personal care; help with bathing, dressing, incontinence, etc.  It can be especially hard to provide this care for the people closest to us.  Even though I have been providing all levels of care to older adults for 18 years, when my father-in-law became ill and we moved him to our house to be cared for until his death, it was very uncomfortable to transform from the daughter-in-law role to the nurse role with him.

If this is an area that you really are not wanting to provide the care for, you need to recognize that and try not to feel that you should do something that you are not prepared to do.  Let the guilt that will creep in go.  You cannot change who you are.   If you face this upfront and find other solutions for help with these needs you will, in the end, be better at caring for your loved one and yourself.

There are different places you can go to look for help with providing daily personal care needs.  Start with you local Area Agency of Aging (AAA).  They should be able to provide you with a list of Home Health Services available in your area. They also can tell you of different programs that they may offer to help you find the right care and subsidies that are available.  Another place that you may be able to find some less expensive in-home care is at your church or local classified ads.

In this time of poor economy and work lay offs, there are many qualified nurses or nursing assistants that are looking for additional work.  If you choose this option, though, make sure you do your homework.  Ask for references and check them!  Research what is an acceptable amount of money you should pay them and understand that because you are hiring them privately there is no company backing them to guarantee their work.  Invite them to your home and get to know them better before actually hiring them and make sure that your loved one likes them.  Don't let all that scare you away from it; some of the best in-home caregivers I know have been found this way. They became very loyal and devoted to the entire family.

Let me end by saying if you are a primary caregiver, you deserve to be recognized for taking on that challenge.  It takes loads of dedication, patience, creativity, balance and love to fill that role.  You should give yourself credit for all that you do to provide care for your loved one.  Try to let go of those not-so-great moments!
Forgiving yourself and recognizing ways to improve leads to Aging with Ease!
Click here to view Administration on Aging website to find your local AAA

Remember to have a Good Time!

As a caregiver for someone with dementia you can become consumed by the daily chores that need to be completed.  You can forget that you need to find some fun in each day for you and your loved one.  This is important to help maintain your sanity through this process.  Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine for what ails you.

So how do you find that fun?  To find the answer, you need to remember some things you used to enjoy with your loved one but are no longer doing.  Maybe it is going for walks, visiting museums, going out for dinner.  Whatever it may be, you can find a way to still participate in these activities.

If you enjoyed going out to eat or visiting museums, you can easily still do these activities but I would suggest that you go to these places at non-peak times to avoid large crowds.  Too much stimulation can be upsetting to a person with dementia.  If there is too much activity going on around them, they cannot focus and feel overwhelmed.  They may even begin to become scared or paranoid by all the activity because they cannot take in everything around them.  To increase your chances of a fun time at these places, it is best to go to smaller venues with smaller crowds and less noise.

The same concept applies if you enjoy going for walks.  Find parks or developments that are quiet and not overpopulated to walk in.  People with dementia are usually still very capable of participating in physical activity.

Each day, I am sure, something unexpected happens, especially when caring for someone with dementia.  Try to find the humor in these unexpected events.  Say your loved one walks out with his shirt on backwards - instead of pointing out their error, maybe say "Are we having backward shirt day? Looks like fun!"  You will both be able to laugh about it happening instead of making them feel that they have made a mistake.  If they lost their glasses again, make it a game to find them instead of expressing frustration about their continually declining memory.

You will find if you use some respectful humor in these situations, it will make you and your loved one less frustrated with their decline.  As dementia progresses, it is important as a caregiver to live in the moment.  Do not expect your loved one to remember that one hour ago you went out to eat when they are now digging in the refrigerator looking for something to eat or that a half hour after returning from a walk he is looking at you for something to do.  They simply do not remember.  If you learn to appreciate that for that moment you are having a good time together and laughing, you will not be as disappointed when they don't remember.

If you have an activity that you and your loved one used to do together and are having trouble figuring out how you can still do this activity, send me a comment and we can try to figure it out.
Having a good time will increase your chances of Aging with Ease!

CLICK HERE to read about one couples journey through Alzheimer's and how they still are able to have a good time!

Choosing a Retirement Community

Today I would like to help explore Retirement Communities and the steps involved in choosing to become part of this type of community.  Most people, especially as we age, need to feel secure about the future and that they will be taken care of.

Many retirement communities offer the security of continuing care throughout all the different levels of care that may be required: this is called Continuing Care Communities (CCRC).  That may be independent living in small individual homes or apartments or it can also be in-home care services, personal care level, skilled nursing care or specialized dementia care all housed on their campus.  Depending on how much security you want or what think you may require, you want to keep all those different levels of care in mind when looking for a retirement community to move to.   Typically, you are guaranteed placement in any of these levels of care on their campus by being a resident of their community.   That alone can be a huge relief and sense of security as you advance through the aging process.  Most people do not advance into the later stages of their lives without some kind of health or physical setback.   Keep in mind that not all retirement communities offer all levels of care so if this is something you are looking for, you can start to eliminate some communities off your list that do not include these different levels of care.

Next thing you want to look at are the activities that take place on campus.  If you want to remain active in the community and outside of the campus, it is important to know what is available to help you achieve that goal, especially if you are at a point where you are not driving any more.  Many communities offer site-seeing bus tours, routine trips to local grocery stores, fitness rooms, swimming facilities, billiards, shuffleboard, internet access, trips to go out to eat, shuttle services on campus, senior clubs, music programs, pet visits, inter-generational programs and much more.  You want to be sure that the activities they offer are of interest to you because you don't want to move in and then have nothing to do!

Lastly you want to look at the financial end of it.  Most of these communities require a minimum dollar amount of assets for you to be considered for admission to their campus.  These numbers can sound huge as you research this and I agree it is amazing how much is required by some of them.  But keep in mind that if you choose a community that is going to ensure your care, even after your funds are depleted, you will be cared for until the end of your life. Many of these establishments offer what is called a benevolent or caring fund; there are different terms for this fund depending on where you are applying.  Basically what these funds do is guarantee your care after your funds have been exhausted - that is a huge benefit in ensuring that you Age with Ease.  Be sure to inquire about this when you are touring a campus as not all communities offer this.   Those facilities that offer those funds though do tend to require a higher amount of assets for admission.
The order of importance of the above areas I described depends solely on you.  If finances seems like the best area to begin to locate a community that will work for you, then begin there.  Just don't forget to look at the other areas as well.  You would not want to make this move and have a setback in your health and then need to relocate again because you need a higher level of care.  Nor would you want to move to a place that offers nothing of interest to you for you to stay active in life.

One other thing I would like to say about this.  I hear this all the time from older adults: "I am not ready for this," " I don't want to live with old people,"  "We will look into it soon."  Let me say this: Most of these establishments have, on average, a 3-5 year waiting list for entry into independent living, so start shopping now and plan for your future just as you have done throughout your whole life.  You may not be ready today but you might be soon.  If you are proactive in this process, it can help prevent those crisis situations from arising.

Recently when my family was shopping for a long-term care facility for my grandmother when she began to deteriorate,  had we not already made inquiries and filled out some applications she would not be in the wonderful and caring facility that she is in today.   She came to that crisis level of needing care and when she was to be discharged from the hospital it was clear that my mother could no longer provide the level of care that she needed.  Long term care was the only option and thankfully we had already begun the process of looking for the right place or we would have had to go with what the hospital social workers were recommending.  Because I work in this field I knew that these facilities that were being offered by the social worker were not anywhere that my family would be happy with, we directed the hospital social worker to the facilities that we had already applied to and that is where she is today.   Once again, knowledge is power.
Let's face it, most people do not know much about caring for our older adults.  There are so many services out there but people do not know how to find them.  I hope my blog can help people find answers and direction to aid in the process of Aging with Ease.

Click here to view a helpful site to find communities in your area.  It gives you a list of locations for your state, but it is a place to start to develop that list and then go from there.  Happy Clicking!

Maintain the dignity!

How do we maintain dignity as we Age with Ease?  This can be answered in two ways: from the point of view of the aging adult or from the point of view of the caregiver of that aging adult.  I am going to speak on the point of view of the caregiver.  In my years of caring for older adults, I have seen all different kinds of approaches on this matter.  Some work, some clearly do not.  I think the best way to answer this question is fairly simple: How would you want to be treated?  It can be hard to put yourself in the role of the other person and know how what you are saying or doing is affecting them.  By simply asking yourself how would I want to be treated if it was happening to me, you can better provide assistance.  This will, in the end, make caring for someone easier because they will feel respected.
As I write about this topic there are certain caregivers that come to mind.  They so easily and naturally provide this respect and dignity with very little effort.  They are spouses or children that are providing care.  They are dealing with different types of conditions: dementia, Parkinson's, ALS or a stroke, just to name a few.   In observing them, the main thing I notice they all do is continue to keep their loved ones involved in their lives and the things they always enjoyed doing.   They don't stop living because of the illness.   This can take some creativity.
Some examples of what I am talking about:
1.  Let's say your husband has dementia. Chances are, that is his main health problem and he's probably still pretty physically able.  So when winter comes around, can he still shovel snow? Yes!  When fall comes around, can he still rake leaves? Yes!  When spring comes around, can he still help mulch the flower beds?  Yes!  When summer comes around, can he still help with yard work? Yes!
While these activites may need you to supervise him discretely, he is still physically able to participate in your life.  It will make him feel useful and satisfied that he can still participate.
2.  Let's say your wife has been diagnosed with Parkinson's.  You are noticing that she is having trouble getting dressed and with her medication management but you feel uncertain about how to discuss this topic with her.   These situations can be delicate because you want to be sure to present the problems you are observing just as that, observations.  You don't want to make her self-conscious about her abilities.  So what do you do?  Be upfront and just talk with her about it calmly; communicate with her as you would about anything else. Ask her what she needs to make her life easier.  Decide together how to proceed, offering suggestions.  Solutions that make her day easier could be very simple at first.  Maybe laying her clothes out for her or rearranging the set up of your bedroom or bathroom.  Preparing her medications with her for the day of the week in pill boxes.   Whatever you do, don't let her continue to struggle and pretend that you don't notice.  It never feels good to fail day after day doing simple tasks or to feel alone in the process.   You need to remember that she can still participate in the decision-making process in your lives even if she has Parkinson's.
3.  Let's say your father has suffered a stroke and has come to live with you and your family in your home.  This is a huge adjustment for everyone!  As a result of his stroke, one of the problems is that your father has difficulty with his speech - he is hard to understand but yet is still very alert and oriented.  Speech difficulties can be especially frustrating for stroke victims and their families.   You notice that he seems depressed and has withdrawn from the activities that he used to enjoy.   It is important to break that cycle and to break it as soon as possible.  He needs to be reminded that he is still able to participate in life.   Look for useful things that he can do around the house to make him part of the household.  Find a chore or two that he can successfully do and is responsible to complete.  If he was a people person before and now sits at home all day, consider an Adult Day Center or Senior Center.  Try to involve him is your lives as much as possible.  People need to feel useful and have a purpose. Most importantly, you need to discuss this with him and decide together how to proceed.  If he feels like you are making decisions for him, he will most likely resist and then have trouble trusting you if the future.
These are just some examples.  Any solutions, of course, are going to be unique to your family.  If you are struggling with finding a solution for your unique problem, feel free to send me a message.
Aging with Ease cannot be done without maintaining dignity!