A Visit With My Grandmother

This weekend I was visiting my grandmother who now, at the age of 95, has recently moved into a skilled care setting.  I was sitting there talking with her and bringing her up to date on the happenings in our family as I frequently have to do when I go see her and it occurred to me that my grandmother is the essence of Aging with Ease.  She is the true inspiration for why I began writing and trying to help others.  She is the reason that I care and respect older adults the way that I do.  I have watched her progress from the vibrant person who would always be ready for play to the old woman who now mostly sits in her chair, content with her life and herself the whole way through.  It is her attitude toward life that has aided her the most in gracefully going through the aging process.

I can remember when I was 12 years old and my grandfather became ill with cancer.  I can clearly recall the way in which my grandmother cared for him with respect, love and laughter.  Never changing the way she loved him or how they communicated with each other.  It always stayed with me how she faced the reality of the situation head on, would tell you what she thought about it and then just simply do what needed to be done.  There was never a doubt in her mind, at least not that I saw, of what she should do, care for and love him.  Of course, she would be sad sometimes, but it never held her back; she seemed, to me, to gain strength from the hard times.

Not long after my grandfather passed away is when she decided it was time to sell her house and move to a retirement community, there was no changing her mind.  She knew she could no longer care for the house any longer and the memories that she shared with grandfather in the house that he built for her was just too much.  It was time to move on!  Our family would discuss with her other possible options besides living in a retirement community but her mind was set.  She would say: "This is what I want to do, I don't want to live with my children."  So everything was packed up and the house was sold.

My grandmother transitioned through every level of care within this retirement community over a span of about 18 years.  With every move, she accepted it with ease and trust that she would be taken of even though with every move she was slowly losing her sight, her hearing and eventually her mobility.  She never once doubted her faith or her family.  She would find laughter in the situation and was always so very grateful that we were there for her.   So thankful we were there to make sure that everything would be done the way she would want it and that the things that were most important to her stayed with her.

Now, as she sits in her favorite recliner, unable to see anymore and hardly able to move with out help, all she prays for is a peaceful end to her life.  Not because she is sad or depressed.  If you would meet my grandmother, you would know that she certainly is none of those things.  My grandmother even at the age of 95 could still be the life of a party.  She hopes for the end because she has lived her life to the fullest.  She has no regrets.  She has lead a happy and full life by having fun and helping others.  She is simply just tired, her body aches and she cannot do the things that she once did.

She has gone through the aging process with grace.  I can only hope to follow in her footsteps, even just a little.  In my work I have seen the direct result of negative attitudes on a person's health.  The mind is the most powerful tool you have in overcoming challenges in your life.  She showed me how to always look for something to laugh about, especially if it is about yourself.  She showed me to just let it go.  She showed me that if you can't change what is happening, then find a way to handle it but keep moving forward.

I am truly blessed to have had a person like this in my life.  I think there are probably many people that don't.  All you can do is be responsible for yourself and your own attitude.  You cannot change the way other people think or behave.  The most you can do is maybe make them laugh, which sometimes is all that they may need to improve their attitude, at least for a while...

Finding joy in your life is the essence of Aging with Ease!

• When I originally made this post in November 2011, little did I know at the time that a few short months later my grandmother would get exactly what she was praying for.  She passed away on May 1, 2012.  Thanks to the wonderful nursing staff where she lived she died peacefully with a photo of my grandfather right beside her and her music playing, just the way she wanted it.  I miss her everyday!

Choosing a Retirement Community

Today I would like to help explore Retirement Communities and the steps involved in choosing to become part of this type of community.  Most people, especially as we age, need to feel secure about the future and that they will be taken care of.

Many retirement communities offer the security of continuing care throughout all the different levels of care that may be required: this is called Continuing Care Communities (CCRC).  That may be independent living in small individual homes or apartments or it can also be in-home care services, personal care level, skilled nursing care or specialized dementia care all housed on their campus.  Depending on how much security you want or what think you may require, you want to keep all those different levels of care in mind when looking for a retirement community to move to.   Typically, you are guaranteed placement in any of these levels of care on their campus by being a resident of their community.   That alone can be a huge relief and sense of security as you advance through the aging process.  Most people do not advance into the later stages of their lives without some kind of health or physical setback.   Keep in mind that not all retirement communities offer all levels of care so if this is something you are looking for, you can start to eliminate some communities off your list that do not include these different levels of care.

Next thing you want to look at are the activities that take place on campus.  If you want to remain active in the community and outside of the campus, it is important to know what is available to help you achieve that goal, especially if you are at a point where you are not driving any more.  Many communities offer site-seeing bus tours, routine trips to local grocery stores, fitness rooms, swimming facilities, billiards, shuffleboard, internet access, trips to go out to eat, shuttle services on campus, senior clubs, music programs, pet visits, inter-generational programs and much more.  You want to be sure that the activities they offer are of interest to you because you don't want to move in and then have nothing to do!

Lastly you want to look at the financial end of it.  Most of these communities require a minimum dollar amount of assets for you to be considered for admission to their campus.  These numbers can sound huge as you research this and I agree it is amazing how much is required by some of them.  But keep in mind that if you choose a community that is going to ensure your care, even after your funds are depleted, you will be cared for until the end of your life. Many of these establishments offer what is called a benevolent or caring fund; there are different terms for this fund depending on where you are applying.  Basically what these funds do is guarantee your care after your funds have been exhausted - that is a huge benefit in ensuring that you Age with Ease.  Be sure to inquire about this when you are touring a campus as not all communities offer this.   Those facilities that offer those funds though do tend to require a higher amount of assets for admission.
The order of importance of the above areas I described depends solely on you.  If finances seems like the best area to begin to locate a community that will work for you, then begin there.  Just don't forget to look at the other areas as well.  You would not want to make this move and have a setback in your health and then need to relocate again because you need a higher level of care.  Nor would you want to move to a place that offers nothing of interest to you for you to stay active in life.

One other thing I would like to say about this.  I hear this all the time from older adults: "I am not ready for this," " I don't want to live with old people,"  "We will look into it soon."  Let me say this: Most of these establishments have, on average, a 3-5 year waiting list for entry into independent living, so start shopping now and plan for your future just as you have done throughout your whole life.  You may not be ready today but you might be soon.  If you are proactive in this process, it can help prevent those crisis situations from arising.

Recently when my family was shopping for a long-term care facility for my grandmother when she began to deteriorate,  had we not already made inquiries and filled out some applications she would not be in the wonderful and caring facility that she is in today.   She came to that crisis level of needing care and when she was to be discharged from the hospital it was clear that my mother could no longer provide the level of care that she needed.  Long term care was the only option and thankfully we had already begun the process of looking for the right place or we would have had to go with what the hospital social workers were recommending.  Because I work in this field I knew that these facilities that were being offered by the social worker were not anywhere that my family would be happy with, we directed the hospital social worker to the facilities that we had already applied to and that is where she is today.   Once again, knowledge is power.
Let's face it, most people do not know much about caring for our older adults.  There are so many services out there but people do not know how to find them.  I hope my blog can help people find answers and direction to aid in the process of Aging with Ease.

Click here to view a helpful site to find communities in your area.  It gives you a list of locations for your state, but it is a place to start to develop that list and then go from there.  Happy Clicking!