Choosing a Retirement Community

Today I would like to help explore Retirement Communities and the steps involved in choosing to become part of this type of community.  Most people, especially as we age, need to feel secure about the future and that they will be taken care of.

Many retirement communities offer the security of continuing care throughout all the different levels of care that may be required: this is called Continuing Care Communities (CCRC).  That may be independent living in small individual homes or apartments or it can also be in-home care services, personal care level, skilled nursing care or specialized dementia care all housed on their campus.  Depending on how much security you want or what think you may require, you want to keep all those different levels of care in mind when looking for a retirement community to move to.   Typically, you are guaranteed placement in any of these levels of care on their campus by being a resident of their community.   That alone can be a huge relief and sense of security as you advance through the aging process.  Most people do not advance into the later stages of their lives without some kind of health or physical setback.   Keep in mind that not all retirement communities offer all levels of care so if this is something you are looking for, you can start to eliminate some communities off your list that do not include these different levels of care.

Next thing you want to look at are the activities that take place on campus.  If you want to remain active in the community and outside of the campus, it is important to know what is available to help you achieve that goal, especially if you are at a point where you are not driving any more.  Many communities offer site-seeing bus tours, routine trips to local grocery stores, fitness rooms, swimming facilities, billiards, shuffleboard, internet access, trips to go out to eat, shuttle services on campus, senior clubs, music programs, pet visits, inter-generational programs and much more.  You want to be sure that the activities they offer are of interest to you because you don't want to move in and then have nothing to do!

Lastly you want to look at the financial end of it.  Most of these communities require a minimum dollar amount of assets for you to be considered for admission to their campus.  These numbers can sound huge as you research this and I agree it is amazing how much is required by some of them.  But keep in mind that if you choose a community that is going to ensure your care, even after your funds are depleted, you will be cared for until the end of your life. Many of these establishments offer what is called a benevolent or caring fund; there are different terms for this fund depending on where you are applying.  Basically what these funds do is guarantee your care after your funds have been exhausted - that is a huge benefit in ensuring that you Age with Ease.  Be sure to inquire about this when you are touring a campus as not all communities offer this.   Those facilities that offer those funds though do tend to require a higher amount of assets for admission.
The order of importance of the above areas I described depends solely on you.  If finances seems like the best area to begin to locate a community that will work for you, then begin there.  Just don't forget to look at the other areas as well.  You would not want to make this move and have a setback in your health and then need to relocate again because you need a higher level of care.  Nor would you want to move to a place that offers nothing of interest to you for you to stay active in life.

One other thing I would like to say about this.  I hear this all the time from older adults: "I am not ready for this," " I don't want to live with old people,"  "We will look into it soon."  Let me say this: Most of these establishments have, on average, a 3-5 year waiting list for entry into independent living, so start shopping now and plan for your future just as you have done throughout your whole life.  You may not be ready today but you might be soon.  If you are proactive in this process, it can help prevent those crisis situations from arising.

Recently when my family was shopping for a long-term care facility for my grandmother when she began to deteriorate,  had we not already made inquiries and filled out some applications she would not be in the wonderful and caring facility that she is in today.   She came to that crisis level of needing care and when she was to be discharged from the hospital it was clear that my mother could no longer provide the level of care that she needed.  Long term care was the only option and thankfully we had already begun the process of looking for the right place or we would have had to go with what the hospital social workers were recommending.  Because I work in this field I knew that these facilities that were being offered by the social worker were not anywhere that my family would be happy with, we directed the hospital social worker to the facilities that we had already applied to and that is where she is today.   Once again, knowledge is power.
Let's face it, most people do not know much about caring for our older adults.  There are so many services out there but people do not know how to find them.  I hope my blog can help people find answers and direction to aid in the process of Aging with Ease.

Click here to view a helpful site to find communities in your area.  It gives you a list of locations for your state, but it is a place to start to develop that list and then go from there.  Happy Clicking!

Maintain the dignity!

How do we maintain dignity as we Age with Ease?  This can be answered in two ways: from the point of view of the aging adult or from the point of view of the caregiver of that aging adult.  I am going to speak on the point of view of the caregiver.  In my years of caring for older adults, I have seen all different kinds of approaches on this matter.  Some work, some clearly do not.  I think the best way to answer this question is fairly simple: How would you want to be treated?  It can be hard to put yourself in the role of the other person and know how what you are saying or doing is affecting them.  By simply asking yourself how would I want to be treated if it was happening to me, you can better provide assistance.  This will, in the end, make caring for someone easier because they will feel respected.
As I write about this topic there are certain caregivers that come to mind.  They so easily and naturally provide this respect and dignity with very little effort.  They are spouses or children that are providing care.  They are dealing with different types of conditions: dementia, Parkinson's, ALS or a stroke, just to name a few.   In observing them, the main thing I notice they all do is continue to keep their loved ones involved in their lives and the things they always enjoyed doing.   They don't stop living because of the illness.   This can take some creativity.
Some examples of what I am talking about:
1.  Let's say your husband has dementia. Chances are, that is his main health problem and he's probably still pretty physically able.  So when winter comes around, can he still shovel snow? Yes!  When fall comes around, can he still rake leaves? Yes!  When spring comes around, can he still help mulch the flower beds?  Yes!  When summer comes around, can he still help with yard work? Yes!
While these activites may need you to supervise him discretely, he is still physically able to participate in your life.  It will make him feel useful and satisfied that he can still participate.
2.  Let's say your wife has been diagnosed with Parkinson's.  You are noticing that she is having trouble getting dressed and with her medication management but you feel uncertain about how to discuss this topic with her.   These situations can be delicate because you want to be sure to present the problems you are observing just as that, observations.  You don't want to make her self-conscious about her abilities.  So what do you do?  Be upfront and just talk with her about it calmly; communicate with her as you would about anything else. Ask her what she needs to make her life easier.  Decide together how to proceed, offering suggestions.  Solutions that make her day easier could be very simple at first.  Maybe laying her clothes out for her or rearranging the set up of your bedroom or bathroom.  Preparing her medications with her for the day of the week in pill boxes.   Whatever you do, don't let her continue to struggle and pretend that you don't notice.  It never feels good to fail day after day doing simple tasks or to feel alone in the process.   You need to remember that she can still participate in the decision-making process in your lives even if she has Parkinson's.
3.  Let's say your father has suffered a stroke and has come to live with you and your family in your home.  This is a huge adjustment for everyone!  As a result of his stroke, one of the problems is that your father has difficulty with his speech - he is hard to understand but yet is still very alert and oriented.  Speech difficulties can be especially frustrating for stroke victims and their families.   You notice that he seems depressed and has withdrawn from the activities that he used to enjoy.   It is important to break that cycle and to break it as soon as possible.  He needs to be reminded that he is still able to participate in life.   Look for useful things that he can do around the house to make him part of the household.  Find a chore or two that he can successfully do and is responsible to complete.  If he was a people person before and now sits at home all day, consider an Adult Day Center or Senior Center.  Try to involve him is your lives as much as possible.  People need to feel useful and have a purpose. Most importantly, you need to discuss this with him and decide together how to proceed.  If he feels like you are making decisions for him, he will most likely resist and then have trouble trusting you if the future.
These are just some examples.  Any solutions, of course, are going to be unique to your family.  If you are struggling with finding a solution for your unique problem, feel free to send me a message.
Aging with Ease cannot be done without maintaining dignity!

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
                                                 -- Mark Twain

Retirement- Where To Begin?

Are you on the verge of retirement?   Are you already retired and trying to figure out how to manage your life, finances and family?  Find out what people are saying about retirement, some reasons for concern and how to begin to plan to actually retire...

The National Public Radio has some interesting broadcasts about retirement that are worth listening to.  If you have not done it yet, it is time to seriously start educating yourself about retirement.  Unless, of course, you plan on working until the day you die.  Click hear to view some of their broadcasts.

HELP! Caregivers Need To Reach Out.

When is it time to ask for help?  In my work, I am asked this question so many times, you would not believe it!   Whether it is Dementia, Parkinson's disease, ALS, just plain getting old or any other ailment affecting your family the question eventually always comes...  When should I look for outside help?
As a primary caregiver of someone you love, this can be a very difficult question to ask yourself, let alone someone else.  As a caregiver you may feel guilty about not being able to handle it all, or that in someway you have failed by admitting that you need help.  Here are a few things that you, as a primary caregiver should ask yourself:

1. Am I physically exhausted and overwhelmed by the situation?
2. Do I feel like I never have time to myself to just relax, read a book or do anything that is just for me?
3. Do I dread each day and what it may bring?
4. Do I view my loved one as a dependent and have trouble enjoying time with him/her?
5. Is my health suffering because of the needs of my loved one?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions you should begin to look for information and services that are available in your area.  I would also encourage you to be honest with the people closest to you about the true reality of your situation.  Many times caregivers try very hard to make things look as though everything is fine, when their reality is very different.  It is a way of coping for the caregiver to try to keep things the same for as long as possible.  I don't know anyone who does not try to avoid an unpleasant decision for as long as possible before facing it head on, especially when dealing with a progressive disease or condition with no cure.
In most situations the people close to you want to help and are just waiting for you to open up to them.  That is the best place you can start to reach out.  Making these decisions alone can be overwhelming and when you are already trying to deal with the everyday chores of being a caregiver that can feel like one more thing to do when in fact finding help can actually allow you to become the spouse, daughter, son, friend, or sibling again.
I started this blog to try to help families and caregiver find what it is the right path for them.  There are no right or wrong decisions about the path you choose except to do nothing.  If you have never dealt with anything like this before, how could you possibly know about what health services available- they certainly do not make them easy to find sometimes!  I will be posting more blogs about each of the services available out there and trying to give you some direction.
If you have specific questions about a need you may be having; feel free to write me and I will try my best to steer you in the right direction
The goal of course is Aging with Ease!

Laugh, Laugh, Laugh...

When I was a child my grandmother, now 94 years old, taught me how treat others.  Not by telling me what was right or wrong, but by watching her interact with people of all ages!  She would talk to and carry on with people the same way no matter what their age was.  Most of all she would make people laugh either with her, or at something silly she had done.  She used that laughter in almost every situation in her life.

    Obviously, when things were good it came easy for her but when things were bad she would use it as well.  It helped keep her going and moving forward.  When I watched her care for my grandfather for over 2 years in their home, when he was dying from cancer, everyday she would make him laugh.  She never treated him like he was sick.  She took care of every need he had, but she did it in a graceful way that maintained his dignity, in a way that made him feel that even though he could not do the things he once had, that he was still the man she loved.  She would never complain or feel sorry for herself.  To me she always seemed to just take it one day at a time and have faith that everything would be alright.  If something broke or someone made a mess she would confront directly, with jokes, and just take care of it.  There was no embarrassment or shame; it happened, deal with it and move on.
When we age our hair turns grey, our skin gets wrinkled, everything sags, and we don't stand as tall as we once did.  However the people around us forget that, and we still enjoy all the things that we used to but most of all we still love to laugh.
If you have a funny story about something that has happened in your life because of aging, please share it...

 Try to remember LAUGHTER is essential to Aging with Ease!

The Benefit of Adult Day Centers

So one of my clients pointed out a "Dear Abby" column from a few months ago and asked me: "Why is there nothing in this response about Adult Day Services?"
I read the column and sure enough not one mention of Adult Day Services.  In the column a family is dealing with the ever changes and challenges of Alzheimer's Disease.  They have concerns for safety, inability for self care and isolation.   These are all areas that can be meet with an Adult Day Center at a fraction of the costs of in-home or long term care.
Don't get me wrong, each situation is unique and should be evaluated by the entire family together including the person with the illness.  The suggestions offered in the column's response are excellent choices but I do feel that all options should be represented.
At Adult Day Centers people can attend daily, most centers are open by 7am and don't close until 5pm, there are even some centers that specialize in memory loss programs.  All Adult Day Centers must be licensed by their state.
Be sure not to confuse a Senior Center for an Adult Day Center there is a big difference.  Senior Centers, like Adult Day Centers,  are a place for older adults to gather and participate in different activities that may be available that day.  The difference comes in when the client starts to decline, maybe physically, maybe mentally.  At a Senior Center they will not provide the personal care needs but at an Adult Day Center they will.  If confusion starts to become a problem or they have poor motivation to participate and become part of the group typically a senior center will tell you that it is not working out there for that person anymore but at an Adult Day Center our staff will help engage clients in the activities, find things for them to do that interest them, provide activities to promote self confidence so they can feel success instead of frustration with their losses.
I could go on forever about the benefits of Adult Day Center and I am sure this will not be the last that you hear about how great they are.  If you have or know someone that is older and spends to much time at home, alone, whether they have memory loss or not, please check out an Adult Day Center near you,  you might be surprised what you find.

 Click here for Dear Abby column

In The Beginning...

Let me just start by saying that this is a whole new experience for me, a new beginning!  I hope I can be successful and not boring.  I find myself at a point in my life where my children are getting older and I ask myself what am I doing with my life...
I know, that sounds so cliche, but it is true!  I am hoping to share some of my experiences in caring for older adults in order to help others make better choice as they get older.  I started working in long term care at the age of 17 as certified nursing assistant after having my first child and went on to become a nurse.  I continued in long term care because I enjoy caring for older adults. Currently, at the age of 40, I manage an Adult Day Center in Pennsylvania.
The thing I love the most about older adults is you never have to wonder what they are thinking, that is one thing as we age, there is a point where you finally realize this is who I am, if you don't like, TOUGH!  If you talk to anyone that knows me, they will probably tell you that I usually say exactly what is on my mind which can get me into trouble sometimes but most of the time people usually appreciate my openness.  At least I hope so.
So anyway, enough blah, blah, blah:  My hope is to bring you meaningful, useful and sometimes inspirational information that relates to our aging population which will be all of us one day sooner or later...

The ultimate goal,of course, is to hopefully to succeed at Aging with Ease!