How do we maintain
dignity as we
Age with Ease? This can be answered in two ways: from the point of view of the aging adult or from the point of view of the
caregiver of that aging adult. I am going to speak on the point of view of the
caregiver.
In my years of caring for older adults, I have seen all different kinds
of approaches on this matter. Some work, some clearly do not. I think
the best way to answer this question is fairly simple: How would you
want to be treated? It can be hard to put yourself in the role of the
other person and know how what you are saying or doing is affecting
them. By simply asking yourself how would I want to be treated if it
was happening to me, you can better provide assistance. This will, in
the end, make caring for someone easier because they will feel
respected.
As I write about this topic there are certain
caregivers that come to mind. They so easily and naturally provide this
respect and
dignity
with very little effort. They are spouses or children that are
providing care. They are dealing with different types of conditions:
dementia, Parkinson's, ALS or a stroke,
just to name a few. In observing them, the main thing I notice they
all do is continue to keep their loved ones involved in their lives and
the things they always enjoyed doing. They don't stop living because
of the illness. This can take some creativity.
Some examples of what I am talking about:
1. Let's say your husband has
dementia.
Chances are, that is his main health problem and he's probably still
pretty physically able. So when winter comes around, can he still
shovel snow? Yes! When fall comes around, can he still rake leaves?
Yes! When spring comes around, can he still help mulch the flower
beds? Yes! When summer comes around, can he still help with yard work?
Yes!
While these activites may need you to supervise him
discretely, he is still physically able to participate in your life. It
will make him feel useful and satisfied that he can still participate.
2. Let's say your wife has been diagnosed with
Parkinson's. You are noticing that she is having trouble getting dressed and with her
medication management
but you feel uncertain about how to discuss this topic with her.
These situations can be delicate because you want to be sure to present
the problems you are observing just as that, observations. You don't
want to make her self-conscious about her abilities. So what do you
do? Be upfront and just talk with her about it calmly; communicate with
her as you would about anything else.
Ask her what she needs to make her life easier. Decide
together
how to proceed, offering suggestions. Solutions that make her day
easier could be very simple at first. Maybe laying her clothes out for
her or rearranging the set up of your bedroom or bathroom. Preparing
her medications with her for the day of the week in pill boxes.
Whatever you do, don't let her continue to struggle and pretend that you
don't notice. It never feels good to fail day after day doing simple
tasks or to feel alone in the process. You need to remember that she
can still participate in the decision-making process in your lives even
if she has
Parkinson's.
3. Let's say your father has suffered a
stroke
and has come to live with you and your family in your home. This is a
huge adjustment for everyone! As a result of his stroke, one of the
problems is that your father has difficulty with his speech - he is hard
to understand but yet is still very alert and oriented.
Speech difficulties
can be especially frustrating for stroke victims and their families.
You notice that he seems depressed and has withdrawn from the activities
that he used to enjoy. It is important to break that cycle and to
break it as soon as possible. He needs to be reminded that he is still
able to participate in life. Look for useful things that he can do
around the house to make him part of the household. Find a chore or two
that he can successfully do and is responsible to complete. If he was a
people person before and now sits at home all day, consider an
Adult Day Center or Senior Center.
Try to involve him is your lives as much as possible. People need to
feel useful and have a purpose. Most importantly, you need to discuss
this with him and decide together how to proceed. If he feels like you
are making decisions for him, he will most likely resist and then have
trouble trusting you if the future.
These are just some examples.
Any solutions, of course, are going to be unique to your family. If
you are struggling with finding a solution for your unique problem, feel
free to send me a message.
Aging with Ease cannot be done without maintaining
dignity!
