It Might Be Time to Step In...

As a child of aging parents, it can be difficult to know when your parents can no longer manage on their own.  Your mother or father will become very adept at keeping it looking good.  You will become very good at looking the other way.  It is not easy to look at your parent as someone who needs help with their activities of daily living.  Parents are the people you turn to for support, advice and strength - not the other way around.  On top of that, your parent will most likely become upset with you if you even suggest that they cannot manage on their own anymore.  No one enjoys confrontation, especially with our parents.

Some of the sure signs that someone may need to step in are easy to spot, if you are looking for them.

• Things in the house are out of order from the normal (laundry piling up, dirty dishes, messy floors, etc.)

• Mail piling up and bills not being paid

• Body odor/ Poor hygiene

• Frequently losing or misplacing things

• Forgetting to go to appointments

• Spoiled foods in the refrigerator

If you notice some of these signs, you need to take a closer look.  There are numerous reason that these things could be occurring.  Pain, fatigue, or memory loss just to name a few.   As uncomfortable as this discussion may be, it needs to be done.  Avoiding it until the situation becomes a crisis will decrease your family's control of the decisions that need to be made.

If you have siblings, you need to involve them in these discussions.  This is a family matter; it should not completely fall on the shoulders of one child.  Typically one child will become the primary care taker for your parents but that does not mean that all the decisions fall to you. 

If you are an only child, seek advice and guidance from other family members.  If you feel like you have no one to help you with this problem, you can look for support online, your parent's physician, your pastor or your local Area Office of Aging. 

Expect confrontation when you approach your parent about these concerns.  Try to keep your cool.  Continue to talk with them calmly and respectfully.  It may need to be brought up more than once until you are able to have on honest conversation with them about the changes that you are seeing.

Knowing when to step in aides older adults' ability to experience Aging with Ease!