As I watched both of my Grandmothers in the final stage of their lives,
one being 94 years old and the other being 90, I clearly can see that
the most important thing that my family can do for them is keep them
comfortable. Even though their paths to this stage of their lives have
been very different, when we visit with either one of them they both
frequently express their desire for their life to be over. You might read that and think they are just depressed
and need treatment, but I can assure you that, especially for my older
grandmother, this is not the case. They both also speak frequently
about how they enjoyed their life and are proud of the family that they
have. They simply are tired, their bodies are worn out, they are ready
to rest.
Inevitably the decisions about their care changes because of this. It becomes necessary to consider quality of life instead of quantity of life.
What I mean is the goal of further treatment changes from trying to
keep them alive to keeping them comfortable and content for the
remainder of their lives. It means as new or continuing health issues
arise, we now ask ourselves what is the best treatment to keep them
comfortable. Thankfully my family is wonderful and the decision to
change the focus of their care is agreed upon without arguments or hurt
feelings. Having helped too many families to count through this change
in treatment, I know that my family is very fortunate to be blessed with
this cooperation. Some families are on opposite sides of this fence.
Many times when children do not live nearby it is especially hard to
understand this change in focus because they have not watched the aging of their parent first hand. If you are the sibling that is the primary caregiver, you need to make every effort you can when changes in condition
begin to keep in close contact with your brothers and sisters.
Explain the changes you are seeing, ask them for suggestions, tell them
what the doctors are saying, and decide on treatment plans together.
You do not want to call them up one day and try to make them understand
changes that have been progressing over time in just one phone call. It
will overwhelm them and they will become defensive and feel the need to
protect their parent.Keeping the lines of communication open through the aging process with those closest to you and your loved one will hopefully make these transitions easier on everyone. Each of you may have different ideas about what quality of life may mean to you. Allowing each person to express their thoughts enables everyone to hear all sides but try to keep in mind that just because your loved one is old it does not always mean that they are incapable of making these decisions themselves. It is ultimately about what they want, not what you want...
Quality of care in the last stage of life = Aging with Ease!
